Independence is glorified in North American culture as a symbol of strength.
As a society, we value individual achievement and extol self-reliance.
I wonder however, if our “go at it alone” attitude has led us down a lonely and isolating path?
Loneliness is lethal
- 30% of Americans don’t feel close to others at any given time. And the number of lonely Americans has doubled since the 1980s.
- In a recent CARP poll, 16% of Canadian indicated that they lacked companionship
- 15% had nobody to turn talk to
- 15% were unhappy doing things alone.
I suspect that these statistics are even higher among the Canadian population (not just CARP members).
According to science loneliness shortens our lifespan. Twice as much as does obesity.
Yes you read that right!
Dr. John Cacioppo, the world’s foremost authority on loneliness, maintains that the number of people in your life does not inoculate you from experiencing loneliness. Rather, it is the feeling of being lonely that places the brain and body at risk.
Cacioppo equates feeling lonely with feeling hungry. We compromise our survival and wellbeing when either is ignored.
We are biologically hardwired to respond to our environment. When we experience low blood sugar levels, we crave food. The feeling of our stomachs being empty is a warning sign to eat and it is essential to our very survival.
When we feel lonely we desire connection with others. Much like the loud rumble that your tummy makes when hungry.
A lonely brain
Loneliness triggers “hyper-vigilance”. That is your brain is on the look out for social threats, which consequently puts us on the defensive. We become more reactive to negative events and perceive daily hassles as more stressful.
A lonely brain awakens often, experiences fragmented sleep and cannot recover from the day’s stressful events.
A lonely brain is also subject to an increase in depressive symptoms and has difficulty self-regulating. That is why you may find yourself irritable and impulsive.
A lonely brain is at risk of cognitive & physical decline
A 3-year longitudinal Dutch study followed over 2000 participants aged 65-86. While none of the participants had signs of dementia at the outset of the study, results revealed that those who reported feeling lonely, had a 64% increase in the risk of developing dementia.
People also experience an increase in loneliness when they retire from work. That is why you want to make sure that you are retiring too something, and that you have friends outside of your place of employment. For more on that read our blog on the consequences of early retirement.
A Lonely Body
Loneliness also affects the body. Psychologist Stephen Suomi’s research indicates that loneliness distorts the expression of certain genes. An experiment separating newborn primates from their mothers during their first 4 months of life resulted in the altered development of immunity-related genes that help the body fight viruses.
Social psychologist Lisa Jaremka’s research indicates that lonely people have higher levels of activated viruses in their system and are at greater risk of suffering from chronic inflammation, which has been linked to Type 2 diabetes, arthritis, heart disease and even suicide.
While obesity increases your odds of an early death by 20%, loneliness increases your odds by 45%
What are we to do with an emotional state that is so powerful that it can alter our brains, compromise our physiology and cut short our longevity?
The antidote to loneliness
- Seek out connection: we all need a tribe!
- Stop denying, and accept ‘feeling lonely’ as simply a craving for connection.
- Acknowledge the consequences of prolonged loneliness. If you ignore hunger, you starve. Same is true of our need for belonging. If you feel lonely, reach out to others.
- Recognize that QUALITY RELATIONSHIPS are most effective at feeding this void.
We are physiologically and psychologically primed for connection.
The next time you feel lonely and out of sorts, acknowledge it as a signal that you are in need of connection and seek out companionship.
Your body and your brain will be thankful that you did, and you may even increase your longevity!
To your success!